Elvis is Alive!

This is the article I wanted to write for a long time. I may not be a fan per se, but I'm one of the many who believe Elvis Presley, the King of Rock 'n' Roll, is as alive and well as you and me. He is reported to have lived in North Carolina, Hawaii, Australia. Michigan, West Virginia, Tennessee (though he let go of Graceland) and other random locations. He was on his way to my hometown on tour in August 1977, and while in the toilet, decided he had enough. His estranged twin brother Jesse, assumed by the public to have died of what is now known as SIDS, had died in a sanitarium. After Elvis faked his death, he lived a Bohemian lifestyle that continues to this day. Weekly World News were given exclusive rights to update on him. Sometimes, one article contradicted another. WWN still exist online, yet they must've gotten bored and sent him the way of Dear Dotti! However, Elvis sightings are still prevalent (not counting the millions of impersonators between Vegas and even in my area). My hairdresser agrees with me, though we're both crazy! Elvis's ex-wife Priscilla and their daughter Lisa-Marie, as well as the mainstream press, maintain the façade that he's dead and gone. Only in the law's eyes, or he wouldn't have been on a stamp! (Return to sender!) There are books, sites, theories, etc. that confirm my belief. However, don't ever expect Elvis to make a comeback. He has left the building, checked out of Heartbreak Hotel, and has never looked back. Thank you very much!
This just in: the museum that agrees with me has closed and is for sale. I won't buy it, as I can't even afford a car.